A Different Person

Days passed and I slowly let the routine overtake me. Not wholeheartedly, if I may add on. Never thought that blogging would become a form of procrastination to me. Yet, that's the beauty of it, isn't it? Unpredictability.

Life's uncertainty is what makes it oh-so wonderful. What's weird though is when we can't seem to pick up the changes that we personally experience. I mean, if anyone had told me few years back that I'd have certain changes in regards to my emotions and feelings, I, without batting an eye, would have argued with them. I used to roam around and brag about how we're fully in control of our emotions. "Find a shift, bring it back in line", I used to say. Ha! I must have been really high or overtly egoistic; the latter being the only possibility. 

I had my emotions bound by an invisible band, unwilling to release it. I restricted myself without realising the shortcomings. I was afraid of attachments in fear of rejections. I wanted to "safeguard" myself, my sanctity. I wanted to live within the line I drew around myself. I strict myself more than my parents ever would. 

"Which sane person would do that?” you may wonder. I did and I was very much sane as sane can get. It wasn't like I weren't enjoying my life or that I was going through certain hardships. That was my "norm", the way I was manufactured. Lol. No matter how much I tried to control, certain feelings are bound to be felt, something which I blatantly ignored. 

Life is so subtle that I didn't notice the line I drew slowly fading away and my bands breaking loose. I was attuned to the whispers of my heart. Initially, I'd a heated argument with myself and tried to shun it away. The girl I was a year ago is nowhere to be found. I was guilt tripping due to the way I felt as I had zero control over it. 

Soon I realised that those emotions make me. They emerged from within ever so softly and are part of my very being. I am glad that I didn't get lost in a daze of denial. I accepted my evolved emotions despite the inner turmoils. I started noticing a different person in my reflection. A different Sindhu. I am trying to get to know her better. She never fails to surprise me every single day! 

That drove me to another apprehension. We always seem to "know" some people too well. We talk about their character or personality to others without realising that those were mere projections of their ever-changing emotions and feelings. My personal changeover took me by shock. I needed much time to even begin to acknowledge the changes. It applies to everyone around us. Yes, we know them. But, only their previous versions. Their past doesn't define them. Neither do their mistakes. 

It's very surprising to see how fast things can manifest. It just takes a leap to fall into a new territory. And, it has to be done willingly. By being so attached to what we already have, we're thoughtlessly limiting ourselves from elevating to the next level. Human brains are programmed in such a way that it gets robotic after a few days of mundaneness. Excite those cells and reawaken the spark from within. For that, we must turn inward and align with our chi, our soul. ❤